My father always has told me that I was a very lucky person to have grown up in the United States, the freest country in the world.
I can’t help but wonder, why then, as a nation, we don’t have the freedom to choose who we marry. The federal government of the United States does not recognize the marriages of same-sex couples and can’t because of the Defense of Marriage Act. Only four states currently allow the marriage of same sex couples and two others recognize out of state marriages, but don’t perform them.
A man I used to work with gave me his insight on the topic of gay marriage. His partner of many years was in a car accident which left him clinging to life. They told my friend that his partner had very few hours to live. When he asked to see him, he wasn’t allowed to because he wasn’t family, they weren’t married. His partner died that night, and my friend didn’t get to say goodbye.
The Declaration of Independence states:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
It is my interpretation that this was the intent of the signers of declaration of Independence. They believed that any person, whether they love a person of their own sex, or of the opposite, are equal in status to everyone else. If being with someone they love entitles them to happiness, shouldn’t we recognize that, just as we recognize happiness brought about by heterosexual couples? I believe that they wanted to make this country truly the freest country in the world where everyone gets equal rights.
An article published on September 19, 2009 includes some examples of homosexual couples being treated like second class citizens.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/09/19/us_lawyers_defend_letter_of_gay_marriage_ban/
“Government attorneys said in a brief filed yesterday in US District Court that the administration believes the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which bars the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages, is discriminatory and wants it repealed.”
One of these couples were married in Massachusetts, but it wasn’t recognized and therefore they weren’t allowed benefits that same-sex federal employees enjoy. The couples filing the complaint believe they are treated like second class citizens, and that they don’t have equal rights like everyone else.
Many arguments against gay marriage include that “it’s not right” or “it goes against God’s will” or that “gays can’t form lasting relationships” and if they do they’re shallow. Is it right that my friend never got to say goodbye because of somebody else’s opinion on his love for somebody else? Do you think God would want someone to die alone because of some law preventing two people who love each other to marry? I believe He wouldn’t.
I’m not saying Gay marriage doesn’t go against the norm. It’s been an unapproved practice for all of time by societies throughout the world. But what I am saying is maybe its time to change that, and why don’t we start with the “freest country in the world.”
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Reading your story about your friend disappointed me greatly. I can't imagine why anyone would find that acceptable. My mom's best friend was a gay man, and she watched him face hardships all of his life. She stood up for him, but it only could last for so long. Nowadays so many people are homophobes, racist, and hold many judgmental views, that we can't see past anything. It is so hard to stand up when no one wants to stand with you. But if you really think about, why should we have to fight for something that was already given to us by the founding fathers. If we have the right to live in "the home of the free," then why are we being held back so tightly. I honestly find it sickening that someone can not feel love towards someone of the same sex. If I love someone in my life, and someone told me that I couldn't marry them because they were the same sex as me I would be devastated. We need to start putting ourselves in other people's shoes! Think about how much you may love your significant other, now think about someone telling you just straight up no, you can't love them. Let that settle in, I'm sure you won't feel so warm and fuzzy, and happy to be living in such a wonderful and free country.
ReplyDeleteThe story you shared about your friend is heart wrenching and eye opening. I think its terrible that they wouldn't allow him to be with his dying partner. Personally, I support same-sex marriage. I have cousins who are gay, friends who are gay and close family friends who are gay. I wish them the best in life and want them and their relationships to be treated with the utmost respect.
ReplyDeleteFrom a religious standpoint the topic of gay marriage and why the church does not support it has always been frustrating and confusing for me to understand. I've attended Catholic schools since I was in the first grade and numerous times the subject has been brought up and discussed. In the end, however, the result is always the same; same-sex marriage is not acceptable.
From a legal standpoint I think that there is more leeway on the situation at hand. Yes, gay marriage is only legal in 4 states, but that is subject to change. I think that it is possible for such an idea to spread to other states. The real problem is opening the eyes of the people of America to be open-minded and accept that the love involved in a same-sex relationship is just as deep and real as the love between a man and a woman.
The story about your friends experience with ignorance in our country touched me. I cannot see myself ever denying someone the right to see a loved one for what very well could be the last time. Gay, straight, black, or white love is love and the fact that we think we can control that is moronic. No one can understand the love your friend and his partner had for each other and the people at the hospital who wouldn’t allow him to see his partner do not know how they have affected him forever.
ReplyDeleteAmerica is considered the freest country. If this is true the world is in trouble. Although we are technically “free” we are not free from stereotypes that limit us and hold us to outdated and ignorant beliefs. Until we are accepting of all people and lifestyles, we will never truly be free. The lack of support for gay marriage is just one of the many examples of prejudice that still exists in our country today. This and other prejudices take away our freedom. An accepting world is more free than one that has an established set of laws acknowledging freedom that everyone disregards. Our country celebrates its freedom and uses it a quality that distinguishes it from other countries around the world but it is a limited freedom that I don’t always feel comfortable celebrating. Gay citizens are still United States citizens and should be given the same rights as any other citizen. Their sexual orientation should not take any right away from them. Your friend’s story is touching and maybe if more people heard stories like his sympathy would change the notion this country has about same sex marriage.
In many writings and discussions on gay marriage, the arguments society has against it are usually addressed. One of the most common arguments, which you mentioned, is the one saying that "gays can't form lasting relationships." I think this statement is extremely hypocritical for heterosexual American society to say. Can Americans honestly say that the majority of heterosexual marriages today are "lasting relationships?" The divorce rate in 2009 is roughly 50% of all marriages. Knowing this, do we really have the right to use that argument against gay marriages? Another argument people of religion use is that it is not God's will. That is merely the opinion of those people. In the reading by Sue Halpern, No Room at the Church, I think she puts it well when she says that you can quote scripture in defense of a position against homosexual marriage but you can also quote scripture in defense of love above all else. I believe you interpret it the way you want, that is part of faith, so this argument is useless. There are some who believe the Bible states a marriage is only between a man and a woman, but there are some who believe God would want people like your friend to not be denied their loved one because of a man-made law. Both these arguments against gay marriage anger me because if you look deeper you can see that they really do not apply.
ReplyDeleteThis being said, I do not agree that the Founding Fathers would accept gay marriage. I think the fact that the Declaration of Independence excluded women, slaves, and many immigrants from it's "equality" shows that they didn't intend this equality and happiness for everyone. But I don't think it matters if the signers of the Declaration of Independence would accept it or not. Since then, slaves have been freed, women can vote, so much has changed that would have gone against what the Founding Fathers originally intended. So why not allow gay marriage?
Like the other commentators on this post, I am also very shocked and disappointed that your friend was never able to say goodbye to someone he loved so dearly simply because they were not married. Same-sex marriage always has been and always will continue to be a senstive topic to discuss publicly. Personally, I believe that people should be allowed to marry whoever they want. I don't think it's right for anyone to try to stand in the way of the happiness of another person, especially since it really won't affect them if same-sex marriages are made legal.
ReplyDeleteI think the strongest dissenters of same-sex marriages are those who have never had a close relationship with someone who is homosexual. I have a friend who struggled with his sexuality for his entire life. High school was a very confusing time for him, and while he knew that he was gay, his parents were very against any relationships between two people of the same sex.
Obviously, this caused a problem for my friend, and he felt as though he could never tell his parents who he really was. Once my friend worked up the courage to be honest with his parents, his life at home was uncomfortable for some time. It took his parents a while to get used to the idea that their own son was one of the homosexuals that they protested against. After some time, however, his parents came to love and accept every part of him, and they don't want to change him. If these two people can see that the happiness of their son is more important than fighting against something that they see as "unnatural," then why can't everyone else?
I've never been able to understand why from infancy we're taught, "Treat people how you would like to be treated" and yet issues like this still exist. Sure not everyone agrees with gay marriage or gay rights, but honestly what gives anyone a right to tell someone who they can or cannot love. And since there is supposed to be a separation of church and state, why does the state get involved with what seems to be a "religious" issue. People are so afraid that God will not approve of gays marrying- but I'm pretty sure He wouldn't approve of innocent people being judged either...
ReplyDeleteThe topic of gay marriage and they way our country views and handles this challenging question has always been confusing and messy. I was beyond shocked and upset to read that story about your friend and I think you are right: God would never want anyone to die alone. Both the government and the Catholic Church have struggled with the homosexual lifestyle, and many questions about what is acceptable have arisen as homosexuality has become more prevelant in our lives. From the legal standpoint, the government did not know how to handle gay marriage, and whether the legal rights of heterosexual couples should also be allowed to homosexual partners. The Catholic Church, as we all know, has really struggled to understand and put restrictions on marriage, and this has caused a lot of pain and anger to form between the Church and many of its homosexual members.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that there is no reason why gay or lesbian couples should be banned from marriage. Love should not be limited or have rules or restrictions on it. Who is one person to tell another that they cannot love someone just because of their gender? And why would anyone want to stop another from being happy? What does someone that is heterosexual really have against someone who loves a person of the same gender? It does not directly affect their lives, so why would they be upset that someone found a loving companion and that they are happy?
Like 'demarco' shared in her blog, I also have a good friend who is homosexual. He struggled so much to open up about his sexuality, and I often wondered why he needed to go through so much? He is one of the most intelligent and kindest people I know, so why do others judge him on that one portion of his life? I feel that people should be judged by their character and morals instead of on their sexuality and the personal choices they make in their lives.
I like how everyone is basically on the same page here on this one. We're all people capable of love and lasting commitments. Who is to say that a heterosexual or homosexual can form stronger relationships? It is so unfair to put strict guidelines on their relationships, when we allow heterosexuals all the rights. It all begins, I feel, with the separation of church and state. There are lingering elements of religious regulations in government. Why else, based on the constitution and our rights as human beings, would a marriage between two consenting adults be prohibited? Or why is there still the pro-life, pro-choice debate over women's bodies? The only explanation I can find is the church. It is unfair for everyone (although under the first amendment we have freedom of religion) that everyone in the U.S. is subject to these religion-based laws, when we don't all practice Christianity. Everyone should have the right to marry the person of his or her choice regardless of race, religion or gender.
ReplyDeleteAs much as it literally breaks my heart to hear the story of your friend, I appreciate that you included his in the blog. It gives a legitimate example of the true disadvantages of being deprived of the rights of marriage. It is wrong to refuse gay couples the rights and privileges that belong to marriage, if they are both willing to enter into this relationship. And why must we give their union a different name (domestic partnership)? Why are we compelled to alienate them further, in a society that casts them out already? Its about time that "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," a statement so essential to our constitution is finally applied to today's society...in all aspects of life.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
ReplyDeleteBy any other name would smell as sweet." This quote is directly correllated to the situation of homosexuals who want to get married. After all, love would still be love regardless if it was between a opposite gender couple or same sex gender couple. Thus, the same thing applies to marriage. Why should gender make a difference? The argument against it, aside from the overused morality argument, is the the re-defining argument. Advocates against gay marriage think that if gay marriage is legalized, then the definition of marriage will be expanded to allow incestual, pedophilic, or unconventional marriages to be legal. I'm not going to get into the pros and cons of incest and pedophilia, but seriously, where are people's minds? So what if the definition of marriage will become redfined? It's honestly not that big of a deal. People of different ethnicities used to be denied the privledge to marry but now they are allowed to. If we can do the same for them, why can't we do the same for homosexual couples? They are citizens, not lower beings. If we continue on this backwards path, then we are truly not the freest country in the world.